The pace and complexity
of life now challenges most of us, with ever more to be
done, more decisions to be made and more information to sift
through. We experience continual change and uncertainty and
dwindling security. Opportunities abound, but many are not
enjoying them to the full and even among the obviously
successful, many feel more stressed than fulfilled.
there are typically modern pressures, there are modern
resources to draw on too. Of these, coaching is proving one
of the most empowering. With coaching, people from all walks of live are
experiencing significant shifts in their lives and achieving
more of their longed-for goals in every conceivable area.
Better than this, they are doing so more quickly and easily,
with more enjoyment and far less stress.
With so many wonderful
workshops, books and other resources available, you may be
wondering what people get from coaching that’s so special.
I can best answer this with an example. One of my clients
had invested many months in choosing and building her ideal
business. She’d worked through the best books and chosen
something she enjoyed and could do well. Yet she frequently procrastinated. Reluctantly, she
agreed to re-explore where her passion lay. At one point,
her voice became more animated. When I pointed this out, she
noticed she felt energized. Exploring further, she
recognised an interest that really excited her. She
developed a new venture in this area and soared ahead.
client had a history of good intentions. She did all the
right things – for a few weeks at a time. With coaching,
she explored the inner and outer stimuli that de-railed her.
There were some common threads that, when unravelled,
resulted in a shift not just in her ability to sustain
change but in the way other people responded to her. Even
the areas she’d thought were going well in her life,
improved and new opportunities started showing up.
these women, we may know and do the right things and be
baffled why they aren’t working. It’s very difficult to
know ourselves fully, even our real wants and needs, just
from the inside. Well meaning advice from friends can
further confuse us. We need someone truly objective, with
the skills that enable us to know ourselves better than ever
before. This often has far reaching effects.
good versus the wonderful
Many have asked
themselves what they really want for years without getting
more than partial answers. They lack an inspiring vision
that excites them. Having a reasonably good life often stops
us from realising our maximum potential. Many
comfortably pursue what seems attainable and acceptable from
where they are – like the next promotion, or growth option
but, what they really want can seem too wonderful or
impossible even to think about.
With coaching, we
discover what inspires us and are drawn towards it, rather
than driven by needs, habits, beliefs and fear. As coaching
proceeds, we become more expansive, confident and joyful. We
realise that we are capable of more and see what we’ve been missing.
This nearly always includes much of our potential and
special gifts. Coaching respects where you are right now,
but will take you further, faster, easier. It opens up a
bigger game, more options and leads to bigger steps – all
of which accelerates your personal growth and success.
Exploring what you want for yourself
For any area (work, relationship, home etc) you
want to change, write down everything you’ve
enjoyed in this area in the past, all the special
moments. Go deeper by asking yourself, why that?
What about that? until you get to what exactly you
valued. These are all clues as to what you need to
we know what we want in one sense, happiness, success and so
on but we don’t know in the vital sense that we are
unclear just what would fulfil our longings. Some strive for
total fulfilment in their work and discover through coaching
that developing other areas of their lives can be more
rewarding (a balanced, happy life is an excellent support
for long term success too!) Frustration in relationships,
too, can be the result of trying to meet all our needs in
one person. This isn’t a counsel for adultery! With the
clarity coaching brings, some develop a wider range of
friendships and interests to fulfil all sides of themselves.
You’ve done well
without coaching, so why bother?
of us have been developing ourselves and our self-awareness
for years now. That which we aren’t yet aware of is likely
to be subtle and difficult to see alone. Appropriate
incisive questions can bring these long-hidden opportunities
for change to light, and enable you to move beyond anything
that’s limiting you. And subtle changes can affect the
flavour of your whole life on an ongoing basis. An example
of this is a client who had trouble maintaining
relationships. In coaching she realized that her belief in
their inevitable leaving stopped her from enjoying their
time together and that this must be affecting her partners!
She addressed this belief and also talked it through with
her current partner and their relationship is flourishing.
even when we know exactly what to change, that change
still eludes us. One woman had never been able to balance
her finances. I asked her what kind of person she would be
if she had financial control. Boring! was her surprised
answer. She quickly realised this wasn’t true and managing
her accounts became easy.
coach is trained to pick up nuances that others miss. They
listen very carefully, not only to what you say and the way
you say it, but what you don’t say. They will respond to
direct meaning and also to the different tones and subtle
changes in energy that can indicate hidden attitudes,
motivations and limiting beliefs. Exploring these can bring
clients great insight and significant shifts in their
thinking, behaviour and results.
often ask my own coach to listen while I talk about
different ideas. Apart from the priceless opportunity to
hear myself think, feedback on where I sound excited,
confident or relaxed, and where there is strain, boredom or
flatness to my voice can provide clues about what’s best
As you explore your plans and aspirations together, your
coach will be an objective but supportive presence totally
focussed on you and your wants. This is empowering in itself
but also we do our best thinking when someone really listens
to us. Important growth and learning takes place in coaching
that is rare elsewhere – and much of this will be about
ourselves. Not only will we know exactly what we want, but
we will be able to identify and connect with the best means
of satisfying those wants.
illustrate the last point, many of those involved in healing
and personal growth wonder what new skill to add to their
repertoire. Through coaching, some recognise a more
challenging but ultimately more rewarding option for
themselves and those they work with, to go further with
their current skills, perhaps into teaching or specialising
in some aspect of their work. The result is more
satisfaction, enjoyment and growth for themselves. Also, as
they make a more effective contribution to more people,
their reputation grows and more and more people are
effortlessly drawn to them on an ongoing basis.
The benefits last a life-time
is an important aspect of change. To be at your best, to really enjoy your life and
maximise your chances of success, you may need to develop
more supports and reserves. With the appropriate support we
overcome challenges more easily, take risks with less fear
and have more fun. You may need more money, energy, time,
space, love, support, fun, information, peace, variety,
inspiration … Your coach will explore your specific needs
and the best ways to fulfil them with you.
Almost any action can result from this enquiry. Some of my
clients have cut back on their commitments, re-organised
their routine, space or priorities, or learned to say no.
Others have explored something new or neglected. And others
have asked those close to them for what they want, from
regular reminders of particular strengths to different ways
of communicating, from financial agreements to hugs.
empowers people to develop and connect with more appropriate
resources than they would on their own. This starts by
getting clear on precisely what’s needed. With clarity,
clients usually see plenty of options. Further coaching can
reveal even more. The coach’s experience and connections
can also help. When asked, I’m often able to suggest
resources that have worked well for others in similar
circumstances or that meet the precise need. If not, I have
a large network through which I can quickly get answers to
any type of question, from profound understanding of
specialist subjects to places to stay. My clients and I have
been awed by both the speed and the quality of resources
have opened up completely new possibilities, for example a
promising way of healing for a client with MS.
are some areas we can all improve. Time management,
relationships and organisational and communication skills
are key issues for many and coaching scores heavily on all
these. There is an enormous difference between having the
generic information and reviewing what you’re doing, how
you do it and the feedback you get with a coach. Your coach
will then ask the questions which uncover what might work
best for you. These are complex issues. Rather like a
sport’s coach watching an athlete, your coach will listen
carefully to the results you get and coach you to develop
your approach until you have a way of being in the world
that’s exactly right for you.
people find it easy to start to change something. There can
be quick wins but then the initial enthusiasm wears off and
challenges arise. Even
the changes they have made sometimes slip away.
however, leads to lasting change, and surprisingly quickly
too. Benefits usually ensue from the first session and many
clients make substantial progress in a month. Then, as coaching proceeds, it becomes more and more
rewarding. Coaching provides the structure to keep you going
and builds ongoing supports so that you are truly empowered.
And there’s far more to it than this. As you and your
coach both get to know you, your potential and what you
really want, your coach will hold you to this. She will also
see what might be coming up for you and coach you ahead of
opportunities and challenges. You will have someone to explore your new ideas with,
ideas which otherwise would never be brought to fruition.
And your coach won’t let you take on too much, give up on
what you want for yourself or let you squander your gifts or
Once you’ve experienced how much better your life can be
with a coach, you will come to trust yourself and coaching
more. Coaching will go deeper and further then, effortlessly
improving other areas of your life and more positively
impacting the lives of others too. And, as you find more space in your life for the real you and
what you really want, you will realise there is even more
for you to enjoy.
is primarily a partnership, although an unusual one in that
a coach will be unconditionally there for you, totally
dedicated to your goals and well being. If this seems
impossibly altruistic, it isn’t really. After all, your
success is their success.
coaching takes place through regular telephone sessions.
During these calls, you will have your coach’s undivided
attention. My clients also benefit from email coaching
coaching follows the client’s agenda. Some come for
specific issues (such as health, financial security a period
of transition) or projects (like creating a new life or
developing a seminar program). Some come to enjoy more what
they’ve already got or for self-development. Others are
drawn to coaching by a general dissatisfaction or a sense
that something could be better. All coaching is holistic – no goal is allowed to
become more important than the person.
people are coming to coaching to discover and live more of
their deeper self and their true purpose. Your life is the
perfect spiritual path for you. Coaching can enable you to live it more fully, to
directly experience some of the parts of yourself where you
may be limited or closed, to go beyond an intellectual
understanding or isolated experiences, to a fuller, more
sustainable expression of your true and amazing self.
sessions are friendly, relaxed but focussed and amazingly
powerful on many levels. There is laughter and clients often
tell me they are energized by our sessions. I follow each
session with an email, further acknowledging the client and
detailing the commitments they have taken on for the week.
This frees my clients from note taking, which, in turn,
allows the coaching on the call to go deeper and be more
effective – for the client to really ‘get’ it in their
cells. This is very effective for those with busy minds.
coaching, we learn about ourselves in depth. This will
include our potential and gifts, but also anything we may
have previously avoided. A priceless benefit of having a coach is that an
independent professional with your best interests at heart
will tell you necessary truths when others won’t – and
tell it within a context of genuine praise and belief in you
and your ability to change that makes it easier to hear.
coaching proceeds clients come to feel more and more
comfortable in their lives. However, like anything that
stretches you, coaching won’t always feel comfortable.
Your coach will challenge you and ask more of you than you
would of yourself. You needn’t accept all your coach’s
requests but once you choose to commit to something, your
coach will hold you to it – and to being the best you can
be. As coaching progresses, you will know from your actions
that you are indeed capable of more.
make choices and step outside your comfort zone. But you
will do so far more easily than you otherwise would and
witness your comfort zone rapidly expand. Any temporary
discomfort is vastly outweighed by the delight of leaping
over hurdles you wouldn’t even have approached before.
more could be said about coaching but there’s something,
too, that can’t be adequately put into words. There’s a
synergy, a magic in the coaching partnership. Clients often
report empowering shifts from coaching that don’t happen
much elsewhere. Everyone is special and coaching uncovers
and releases that.
coaching for you?
life as you want it?
living at your maximum potential?
like to know yourself better?
ready to change and grow?
want to make a difference?
The only way to know how you could benefit from
coaching is to try it. If you’re ready to change and grow,
please call for a free complimentary coaching session.
First published in Positive Health (Issue 84, Jan 2003)
and on their website.